Blame Me

I guess I just don't understand the feelings of “shock” and “surprise”. What are your expectations? What have we done? I include myself in this too. When I could afford to, the first thing I did was to move out of inner city Baltimore. Away from the gunshots I became accustomed to as a child. Away from the 300+ murders a year. Away from the drugs that sought to ruin my family. To suburbia we came, picket fences (literally), soccer leagues and housewives.. We love the neighborhood 4^th of July parade, the soap box derby, the community meetings. Yet when we look around, everyone else is white. My family of 6, is one of only two black families in the neighborhood Every Sunday on my run through a neighborhood in which I have now lived for 3 plus years, I carry my I.D. in my pocket. Why? Because when I was young, my father told me to never leave home without an ID in case the police stop you.

I don't understand the concept of a post-racial society. When I went to the movies with my white girl-friend (really, she was just my friend who happened to be a girl, not that it matters, but I digress) in high school, people on the avenue in White Marsh would look at us strange. This was not in Jackson, Mississippi in 1964, this was Baltimore Maryland in 2001.When I was 20 and in college, I worked part time as a bank teller. One morning I arrived early and had to wait outside of the bank for the branch manager to arrive and open up. As I waited, a police squad car arrived and asked me if they could “help me” with anything. They then proceeded to ask me for my name and my I.D. and asked me if I had been picked up the night before because I looked like someone they had arrested. When my branch manager arrived, and explained that I worked at the bank, they politely left. That was 2004. I teach at my Alma Matter, a school about 90 % African American and yet the top 10 students each year are almost exclusively white…no one bats an eye. Did we think Barack Obama was the finish line? I guess I’m just confused. Three weeks ago, the Supreme Court struck down a provision within the voting rights act that will make it more difficult for people of color to vote. What does this mean? Laws such as “stand your ground” which so many people are now outraged by, will multiply across this country. Where was our outrage then? Our protests for our southern brethren?

But what did we expect? We’re willing to stand in lines for hours to buy Jordans or a Gucci pocketbook but unwilling to stand in line to vote. Unwilling to attend a parent teacher conference to keep their child on track in school. What happens in 2016, when there isn’t a black candidate for president? Will we lose interest again?

I hold no ill will to George Zimmerman or the jurors in this case. I hold us to blame. We, the collective black community, killed Trayvon Martin many years ago and we continue to kill our youth today. We’re quick to say they’re out of control, running wild in the streets, yet unwilling to meet them there. We become so upset that they use the word “nigga” casually that we cant hear them under their breath asking for our help. Wake up people, these bad-a$$ kids today didn't raise themselves! Or maybe they did and that's the problem. A generation of parents who are too busy at the club to help with homework. A Black church, once at the forefront of leading change, spewing hatred and condemnation at young people, instead of welcoming them with open arms. We expected a jury to solve all of this? That’s the real shock.

I hold no right to preach to you. For my move to the suburbs is yet another example of a brother who “made it” and left. So for all of those who have taken the time to read this, please hear me loud and clear: I accept your challenge America. If I’m the person it takes to give my children and yours the life they deserve to live, then put it on me. I’ll carry that weight. I’ll be more than just a father to my own, I’ll be a father to all. I’ll be more than a teacher to my students, I’ll be a teacher to all. I’m tired of waiting for somebody else to do it. Put it on me. I  apologize Mr. and Mrs. Martin that we didn't do more before your son became the latest victim of our hypocritical society. I promise to do my level best to stop it from happening again. I hope you all will join me.